Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
