i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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