I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
