There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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