Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
