im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
