I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
