I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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