just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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