At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
