i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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