I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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