Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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