you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
