I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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