maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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