you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
