I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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