I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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