forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
a search helicopter?!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
