But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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