We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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