i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
