Who did Billy Mays play for?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
