goodnight i made you a song goodbye
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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