Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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