im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize