You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
