He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
