its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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