Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
