it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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