I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
