Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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