Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
