he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
