we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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