she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
