Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
