Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize