I wannas sexs uuuuu
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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