Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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