non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
