Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
