Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
