I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
