On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
