good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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