You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
