I hate your face
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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