Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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