My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Also, beer. Big fan.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He shit in the fireplace
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
