When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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