dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
