worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
