You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
