i just had sex bonerless
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
