hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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