my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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