All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
