There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize