I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
