sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
