All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
