Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
