I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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