I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
