Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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