yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
