And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
