my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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