We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
