Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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