The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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