Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
