In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
