well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
