Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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