Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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