just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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