She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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