winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize