If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
smell my finger.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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