I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My boob is missing a layer of skin
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
