I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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