I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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